There’s a moment in nearly every coaching relationship when truth knocks gently – and then kicks the door in.

It’s when I see something my client cannot yet admit to themselves.

They’re stuck. They’ve outgrown their role, lost faith in the organisation, or shrunk to fit a job that no longer stretches them. They’re surviving, but not thriving.

Often they’ve convinced themselves this is loyalty. Or that it’s not the right time to move. Or that staying put is the safer choice. But here’s what I know from years of coaching senior leaders:

Staying too long in the wrong place is a risk in itself.

And that’s when I offer what we call at Defy Expectations – “the loving boot.”

It’s not about being harsh. It’s not a cold shove. It’s about seeing someone’s potential clearly, holding a mirror up to the reality they’re avoiding, and giving them the courage to move forward.

Redundancy, reinvention and the truth we avoid

Redundancy is a word that evokes fear. Uncertainty. Even shame.

But in my work, I’ve seen something surprising. For many leaders, redundancy is the start of reinvention. It is the moment they begin to reclaim their confidence, reimagine their future, and choose their path with intention.

They would never have left on their own. They were too loyal, too comfortable, or too unsure.

So the system did it for them. Brutally, perhaps. But often, usefully.

This is the loving boot in disguise.

And when we bring it into coaching with care, we do something powerful. We help people see that moving on is not failure – it is the next act in their leadership story.

Why leadership needs more love

At Defy Expectations, we talk about Love Leadership.

Not soft love. Not sentimentality. But the kind of love that sees people clearly, calls them into their potential, and refuses to let them settle for less than they’re capable of.

It means:

• Naming what others avoid
• Challenging gently but directly
• Encouraging bravery over comfort
• Supporting people as they walk towards what is next – even if it’s hard

And this isn’t just for individuals. Organisations need the loving boot, too.

I’ve worked with leadership teams who needed to shift culture but kept dancing around the truth. I’ve helped founders recognise when they’ve become the bottleneck in their own business. I’ve partnered with boards wrestling with stagnation because they didn’t want to upset long-serving colleagues.

Tough love. With care. With clarity. That’s how transformation begins.

Our Leadership Academy was built on this philosophy.

We don’t talk at people. We build on what they already know. We ask questions they’ve never been asked. We design challenges that stretch them, not break them. We hold space for honesty – and for growth.

It’s leadership development, rooted in how adults actually learn. More movement, more reflection, more action. Less PowerPoint, less fluff.

And yes – sometimes, we offer the loving boot.

For organisations, this means greater engagement, stronger retention and a real return on investment. For individuals, it means career clarity, greater confidence, and often, a very different next step.

So if you’re stuck?

Ask yourself – is it time for the loving boot?

And if you’re leading others – do they need it?

Not as a threat. But as a gift. A challenge. A moment of truth that clears the fog and opens the path forward.

Because great leadership is not about keeping people comfortable. It’s about helping them grow.

And sometimes, that starts with a little tough love.